Drunken Brodom
by Croutonic Sarcasm
Summary: Tony, Thor, and Loki go to a motel room with one goal and one goal in mind- to get drunk off their asses.


Loki surveyed the drinks set out for himself, Thor, and Tony Stark lined up on the dresser of the hotel room. "Are you sure this is enough, Tony? We _are_ Asgardians."

Tony shrugged and flopped on the bed next to a content and patient Thor, who merely reached over and ruffled Tony's hair. "Should be. I got enough vodka to kill myself at the least. I'm not getting out of this drunk."

Thor nodded, determined as well. "I desire to get drunk as well, if it is possible."

Loki nodded and looked over the bottles, reading them curiously. Two large bottles of Absolut vodka, two large bottles of green apple Schmirnoff's, a bottle of green apple schnapps (Loki liked green apple, he thought the color brought out his eyes and got attention in the right way), gin, and vermouth, the latter two mainly for Tony, who liked martinis.

Thor adjusted his blue shirt and the red plaid overshirt to rest more comfortably, Tony wearing a charcoal grey suit to match Loki's black suit. Tony, though, wore purple suspenders and a purple tie underneath, whereas Loki wore a black tie and a black vest with a white shirt. He pulled back his hair and sighed. "Let us begin, then."

Tony picked up the shot glasses and smirked. "Let's start with shots of the schnapps. It has the least burn and tastes the best to get us ready for the harder shit." Thor and Loki merely nodded- they didn't know Midgardian drink.

Loki's shot glass was a gift from Tony, as a was Thor's, though Loki's was the only non-clear one. It was green and said in a old style font "Go Fuck Yourself." Thor's was clear with red and black text saying "I have one gear GO" and Tony's was the same but said "Disease? Fuck that, I cured it with my BRAIN." Tony filled them and they all picked them up and downed them.

Loki disliked the burn but had to admit, it tasted delicious. Thor's expression was calm and Tony's was pleased, though he immediately began to loosen his tie. Loki raised a thin eyebrow. "Already?"

Tony shrugged. "I'm not gonna choke myself out of this." He loosened the knot and let it hang about his neck. The next half hour was fairly quiet as they consumed the drink, shot after shot. They kept count on a paiece of paper- all were even and only Tony looked affected at all. He was a bit flushed and warm, tossing his suit jacket off.

Loki said nothing but seriously considered that this might not be enough to drink to even get him buzzed, but then he stood and the world lurched hard before straightening again. He quickly sat back down and held his head, Thor leaning over curiously. "Are you alright?"

Loki nodded and took a deep breath, the earth steadying under him. "Yes, I suppose it just takes littler than I thought to get me affected. How fare you?"

Thor shrugged. "I'm fine."

_Of course you are..._ Loki thought but didn't say anything. "Ready for the vodka?" Tony asked.

Loki looked at the bottles thoughtfully. "Let's try."

Tony made each of them shots of straight vodka, which Thor drank without a qualm, slamming the glass down on the counter. Loki sipped at it and made a face. "I dislike this as of yet." Tony snickered and made a drinking motion, not realizing he had made himself a shot of vodka, and, luckily for him and less so for Loki, tripped at the same moment, pouring the shot of vodka on Loki's sleeve.

Loki jumped up and felt another faint wobble before glaring, tugging the suit jacket off. "Clean it." Tony took it agreeably, surprisingly, and went to the sink, washing it as he called out to Loki.

"Down it and then I'll girly it up for you," he mocked. Loki's emerald eyes locked on Tony with a fair amount of animosity before downing his own prepared shot quickly, trying not to feel it on his tongue. It failed though, when his throat burned and the aftertaste made his face contort into displease and he shuddered.

"No, I am clearly not drunk enough for this..." He said. Tony looked unsteady as he made his martini, sipping at it before setting it down and pulling out fruit juices; cran-grape, orange, and pineapple-fruit medley. Loki made a mental note to try all of them before tony poured half a shot of orange juice and thne half a shot of the vodka. Loki tried that and found it closer to his liking and they continued. Thor felt it unfair that it counted as one shot on Loki's part and demanded the same treatment, admitting it did taste better.

The night wore on and soon, the vodka was gone, along with a bottle of the Schmirnoff's. Tony's pants were ripped (nobody quite knew how) and Thor looked a bit wobbly, and though Loki was sure he felt it more than Thor, he was perfectly composed clothing wise. Loki had learned his lesson though and kept to the chair while the other two tended to walk more, making their worlds far less steady than Loki's.

Out of nowhere, Thor tackled Tony, smothering the powerful man in a hug. Tony giggled and pushed, and then it became a wrestling bout. Tony fell to the ground and stayed there, looking very, very unsure about anything and burst into laughter. Loki laughed as well and Thor was smirking down between the beds. "Loki, look, the floor has defeated Tony."

"And ripped his pants, I see," Loki pointed out. Tony looked down. The groin of the pants were ripped and instead of being annoyed, he shrugged and got back up, tackling Thor. This time, he managed to do more than get thrown to the floor, but ultimately ended up on his stomach on the floor again. "And the floor wins again..." Loki noted dryly.

Thor sat up suddenly as though he had a brillaint idea. "Let's get tacos!" His voice cracked and got high pitched, startling Loki and Tony.

"Tacos?" Tony asked, rolling over to lean on the second bed, staring with with a wobbling gaze. "Why tacos?"

"Because there's a Del Taco nearby!" Thor said, voice cracking again and Loki burst into smothered laughter.

"You know what is sold there, Thor, I'm proud of you."

"Shut up," Thor whined before leaning over the bed some more. "Let's go get tacos, Tony! Or you come with me Loki!"

Loki shook his head flatly, knowing that by this time, he was unsteady enough to ruin his walking, especially since they were on the second floor of the motel. "I think not. ..." he paused. "Thor, your pants are off."

Thor made a faintly stupid sound before looking down to his own pants, which were indeed falling off and currently were at his ankles. "I was wrestling with Tony, it is not surprising."

From the floor a very laughing voice said "Yes! With you wrestle with Tony Stark, pants come off!"

Loki burst into laughter for a few moments before realizing it and looking confused. He saw himself in the mirrow about 20 feet away- he was perfectly composed clothing wise still, but that smile was uncomfortable on his expression. "I have a happy. I should not be having a happy."

Tony snorted and Thor laughed as well at Loki's grammar mistakes before Tony heaved himself from the floor to sit on the bed, sunglasses long gone and vanished. "And I thought I was the only one fucked up."

Loki sniffed arrogantly. "I'm not drunk. I remember that you are Iron Man sp I am sober."

"CLEARLY," Tony snorted again and made a grabbing motion. "How many shots are we on, now?"

Thor paused to think as he poured each of them a new shot. "32 and a half, because the bottle ran out, but Tony is at 22 and a half. We have the vodka left, along with the gin and vermouth, but the Schmirnoff's are all gone."

Loki looked disappointed. He'd like the Schmirnoff's, they had tasted quite good. But, they had fruit juice. The same idea lit in Tony's mind and he picked up the fruit juices, the vodka, and the Schmirnoff's bottle, wobbling over to the sink. He poured the cran-grape in along with the orange juice into the bottle, pouring vodka in until it was full. It was about half and half of each, so the burn would be considerably lessened.

Soon, that too was consumed by Thor and Loki. Tony bowed out of the competition because his world was spinning. When Thor tried to wrestle again, he merely managed to knock Tony to the floor after an uncomfortably close position with Thor on his back and Tony lifting his leg while their hips were lined up, trying to pin him and failed miserably. The pants ripped even more, exposing Tony's striped boxers. Tony was perfectly alright with that though, having had his pants off for people he'd known less than Thor and Loki.

By this time, all of them were drunk, though Tony was sobering up a little as he hadn't drunk in about an hour. Thor was considerably less drunk than Loki, who was now happily sitting in Tony's lap and smiling broadly. Thor was sitting on the bed and looked almost pouty because nobody would get him tacos.

Loki leaned over Tony and smirked to Thor. "Still want tacos?"

Tony facepalmed. "You just had to bring it up agai-"

"I WANT TACOS, BROTHER!" Thor raged and looked angry. "Get me tacos!"

"Go buy yourself your own damn tacos, Mr. I Have A Tolerance To God," Loki snipped, leaning on Tony.

Thor looked even angrier. "I cast you out!"

"Cast me out?" Loki shrillly replied. "You can't do that!"

"I TAKE YOUR POWER AND CAST YOU OUT!" Thor made a vaguely pushing hand motion and Loki couldn't handle the idiocy any longer and burst into full on stomach wrenching giggles.

Tony shook his head. "That awkward moment when Thor casts Loki out for a taco... How abusive."

"I'm not abusive! I'm not like my dad, he casts us out ALL THE TIME. For little stuff! I say 'hi Dad!' and he's like 'I cast you out!'" Thor answered loudly, then promptly fell over on the bed to the floor.

"And the floor wins again!" Loki laughed, clinging to Tony for dear life as the world spun around him. He stood up to get some more water but Thor grabbed his legs and tripped him, but when he hit the ground, it didn't hurt at all. The floor felt nice, actually. Very nice. And there was a pillow conveniently nearby, too.

He clambored onto the bed and grabbed the pillow, hugging it tightly. "This is my friend Pillow. This is my best friend Pillow. I like you, Pillow."

Tony rose an eyebrow. "You're on the bed," he informed the drunken man.

Loki amended his words contentedly. "I like you, Bed. I like you a lot. Let's be friends. BEST FRIENDS FOREVER. I like this feeling, it's really nice." Loki added as he nuzzled the pillow. Thor looked jealous and managed to get over there as well as Tony watched, amused.

"I need you! I love you! I love you!" Thor cried out and reached for Loki, crushing him in a hug.

"I hate you. I don't care. Get off. Get off of me." Loki replied, fighting with all his will and losing against the more powerful male

"Kiss me." Thor suddenly said, looking begging.

"No!" Loki rolled away from Thor, who slackened his grip sadly.

"Whoa whoa, incest alert!" Tony waved his hands in a stopping motion, separating the two. Loki clung to the pillow, glaring at Thor.

"I'm not his brother!" Loki piped up, smirking. "I'm not at all."

Tony stared and took a step back. "Yeah you are, aren't you?"

"No! I'm a frost giant! Father- Father told me before he fell into Odinsleep! I got angry and that's why he fell asleep!" he crowed cheerfully before remembering that being a frost giant was a bad thing and looked depressed.

"Frost giant!" Thor rumbled and shoved the bed away from himself, smacking it into the wall and knocking over the headboard, ripping it from the wall behind.

"Odinson!" Loki returned, though it was less of an insult and more of a wish. Tony stood between them and to the side, looking back and forth unsurely.

"I hate you!" Thor threw a pillow at Loki, who caught it and snuggled it, his best friend returned.

"I hate you too!"

"Now now, hate isn't needed, you guys..." Tony said, trying to calm them. "Really, hate is bad..."

Loki looked ready to cry and Thor slammed the bed against the wall again before leaving. "I'm getting me some damn tacos..."

Loki looked down as Thor left, unsure and worried about the drunken Asgardian. Tony was as well, but it didn't show as much. He reached over and helped Loki up, pulling the pillow away and gave him a hug. "It's alright, okay, Loki."

Loki didn't quite cry, but he was close. "I like you Tony, let's be best friends."

"Okay. Don't turn me into a girl again." Tony answered, as only a few days before Loki had done so much to the irritation of Tony, even if he was amused by the breasts.

"Okay~!" Loki trilled and they held together until Tony pulled away and Loki fell on the bed. They stayed there for a while before Loki sat up and reached for the vodka.

"Whoa, are you sure you want more?" Tony said, holding it away. "You're pretty smashed."

"Who are you, my mother? Momma Stark!" Loki mocked. Tony instantly gave the vodka over, not about to mother the man and let him mix vodka with a glass of water, sipping at it. He stared.

"Shouldn't it taste like vodka?"

Loki shook his head. "It just tastes like water... I only like vodka when I'm drunk and I'm not drunk."

"Not at all, buddy..." Tony agreed. _And I'm Queen Victoria._

As Loki drank the rest of it, it was silent. When he was done, Tony looked to the wall that was missing the headboard and investigated it. The headboard was ripped from the wall entirely and slumped on the ground. "Can you fix it?" Loki asked.

"Yeah, I just need some tools," Tony answered across the room. Loki snorted and set the now empty glass down and walked over. The screews were sticking out of the headboard and there were holes in the wall.

"I can fix that," Loki said, pushing Tony away. "I've broken enough of these in my time." He pulled it up, using strength that didn't seem to exist in his wiry, small frame and put it back before waving his hand. A small burst of green magic went into the wall and headboard.

"What spell was that?" Tony asked, staring.

"I call it the 'fixing the hotel room' spell," Loki replied casually and flopped back into the chair, pleased. He was now ahead of Thor in the drinking contest- 68 to Thor's 67 to Tony's 22 and a half.

Loki heard some stumbling and odd sounds outside and peeked out the door. "Are you coming back?" he called out and saw Thor looking up from the bottom of the staircase, confused and wary of the concrete contraption

"Be careful on the staircase, it has lots of tricks," Loki added before closing the door. Tony stared at him.

"I thought you hated him." Loki sat down on the bed and fixed his slightly crooked tie in the mirror.

"I can't hate him... I love him. He's Thor," Loki said sadly, sighing. Thor slammed against the door suddnely, making them both jump.

"I'm here, guyyyyyysssss!" Thor called out, slurring his words. Loki opened the door and Thor spilled inside, though he proudly held up tacos. "I have tacooooos!"

Loki's brain lit up with an idea."Vodka tacos! That is the beautifulist idea ev- beautifulist is not a word."

"Beautifulist is not a word." Tony called out from the bed.

"Most beautiful..."

"Most beautiful," the Midgardian agreed.

"Most beautiful idea ever." Loki finished, eyes locked on the tacos.

"I don't think it will taste good..." Tony continued, rolling to his side to stare at the now confused Thor.

"I will make it taste good, bitch, you don't underSTAND, I am LOKI!" Loki all but growled back, but when Thor began to eat the tacos ravenously, Loki lost his appetite for vodka tacos. Instead, he got a baguette from the counter (they had brought them to help soak up the drink in thier stomachs) and put it on the vodka bottle as a cap and flipped it to soak it, then popped it in his mouth. It was pretty good, actually. He did it again a few times and then counted it as one more shot in his mind.

Thor stared and took another straight vodka shot, and then one more, determined to win. Thus, the two straight shots counted as four, the way they were counting, making Thor at 71. Loki left it be though, he was pretty sure he was done.

Thor flopped an arm around Loki's shoulder and gave him a bright, if wobbling, smile. "I want to have relations with you. FOR ASGARD!"

"For Asgard?" he asked, amused.

"Yeah, because you're a frost giant and you're for Jötunnheim!" Loki shook his head before deciding that, yes, he was for Jötunnheim. Why the hell not, it needed SOMEBODY for it.

"For Jötunnheim then! But no." Thor reached over and went to touch Loki, who shrilled and cried, "No, don't touch me, Thor, I will fuck you!"

"Good!" Thor rumbled and laughed, grabbing Loki from the bed and tugging him into a deep kiss. "I want you." Thor purred in Loki's ear.

"I don't care." Loki shook his head and tried to get free again, changing his capricious mind once more and struggling to get away. Tony just watched, sipping at a martini made of gin and vermouth.

"I need you." Thor begged, nuzzling Loki's neck and kissing it gently.

"Nooo~ Never," the dark haired man answered and wriggled, trying to get away only to get a big kiss. He pushed and shoved anyway until he managed to slip out of Thor's grasp and grabbed a plastic cup, shoving it at Thor. "Here, get some water, but be really careful when you walk over there, there's like, 20 feet of nothing to balance on."

Thor looked disappointed but nodded, wobbling over with slow, slow steps to the sink. In the meantime, Tony finished his martini and Loki sat on his lap, wrapping an arm around him and noticing the zippo in his hand.

"Let me play with the fire," he asked, reaching for it only for it to be snatched away.

"No, that's bad," Tony said. "You're covered in alcohol. How the... But no."

"I know," Loki answered, reaching again, "But I want it."

"That is a bad idea..." Tony warned him as it was snatched from his hand.

"I don't care." Loki flicked it open smoothly and stared at the fire, mesmerized before flicking it closed and repeating it a few times. He was the god of fire, after all, frost giant or not, and fire was his favorite thing.

He played with it, directing it here and there before making it shoot up high. Then Tony closed the lighter and took it away, tossing it across the room annoyedly. Loki was too drunk to manage to get over and simply left it be.

"I feel dizzy. It's brillaint," Loki smiled and leaned on Tony. Tony laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, I bet."

"Everything is sideways and nothing hurts..."

"I'm sure, buddy," Tony stifled a laugh and took a drink of water. "You feeling alright buddy?"

"Yup... I like this feeling, it's really nice..." Loki nuzzled into Tony.

"BROTHER. BROTHER I NEED YOU. MY BODY IS READY." Thor burst out from the bed. Loki and Tony couldn't handle it any longer and began to laugh so hard that their stomachs hurt.

"Owwwww, my stomach has a pain. It has an ow..." Loki whined, clinging to Tony before giggling. "I think we need to pass out now, or first fuck and then pass out."

Thor grinned. "I like this idea!" he said from his back on the bed, pointing to the ceiling. Tony shrugged, drunk enough that he didn't care.

"It sounds good to me," he agreed cheerfully. Loki kissed Tony deeply. Tony couldn't lift Loki, Loki was too dense and heavy, but he could guide him, considering how wobbly Loki was, to the bed and press him down. Thor and Tony fell upon the perfectly dressed man and kissed him deepy as they began to undress him, the tie coming off after a fight.

Thor mumbled something to Tony and they both figured out how it was going to work, Thor would deal with the top half and Tony with the bottom. Loki was undressed in moments, though he felt like it was seconds and hours alternately, completely drunk beyond belief and unsure of time entirely.

Suddenly he was naked and Thor was tying him up with the tie, hands above his head as thor kissed him deeply, hands moving to grope and pinch at his nipples as Tony smirked when he revealed a half hard erection. He kissed it and licked at it and Loki was wriggling, moaning wantonly, begging for more. Tony indulged him with a deep throating swallow and Loki groaned into Thor's lips, panting roughly and becoming stone hard in Tony's mouth.

"Y-yes, oh by the nine realms-" Loki couldn't form anything other than superlatives by this point, slipping in and out of consciousness though he felt every touch. Flashes went by quickly-

_-Tony swallowing him hard enough to make him come in his mouth, the man laughing and he pulled away with a dripping mouth-_

_-Thor pushing wet fingers inside his entrance and striking the most beautiful spot, his back arching high as he all but screamed in pleasure-_

_-Tony deepthroating him again, pleased to focus on his cock, Thor kissing him into oblivion-_

_-Thor thrusting in deeply as Loki screamed another orgasm out-_

_-Tony swallowing another orgasm while Thor kissed his nipples into a sore tenderness, smirking and asking "how many orgasms?" and Tony replied with a laugh of "Seven!"-_

Finally it was too much, it hurt, he was sore, he couldn't handle it anymore, pushing Tony from his cock and Thor from his nipples, shaking his head and he shook from the overwhelming pleasure. "I can't- I can't- no more..." They laughed but pulled away agreeably, Tony wiping a wet mouth and Thor smiling indulgently to Loki as Loki rolled over.

"My turn~!" Thor rumbled out and they fell on Thor, giving him every kind of attention, though Loki still lost time in flashes-

_-A hand on Thor's cock as Tony ate out the Asgardian, thighs spread and Thor groaning-_

_-Loki nipping and kissing on Thor's nipples-_

_-Tony taking Thor in as Loki thrust fingers inside the man's entrance, the two of them moaning together, Loki smirking, pleased to see it-_

_-Loki speaking in the Asgardian tongue, whispering dirty words in Thor's ear to make him cry out and whimper-_

_-Loki biting on Thor's neck hard enough to make him cry out, eyes fluttering as he arched to Tony thrust in deeply, kissing Thor as well-_

It was over suddenly and then Tony was on his back, Loki having no recollection of how that happened but it was okay and everything was great-

_-"I'm going to make you come so hard all you'll remember is my name," Loki told Tony and the Midgardian shook hard in pleasure, contorting-_

_-Thor going down on Tony now, swallowing him and looking determined if a bit cross-eyed from the stare on his cock-_

_-Tony moaning constantly, saying only "Fuck!" and "Shit!" everytime the frost giant and Asgardian touched him in a new way-_

_-Tony's eyes rolling as he bucked into his mouth-_

It ws over without being over in a flash of blackness nd time lapsing, the drink had severely affected Tony and though he was overwhlemed, swimming in pleasure he couldn't come, couldn't reach that pek but it was so close, so Loki and Thor made up for him by keeping him on that edge for an hour, another hour passing by before Loki finally remembered no more and the darkness took over.

Two hours later Loki was awake, wide awake, and staring at the ceiling. He looked to the clock on the nghtstand of the nice hotel and saw it was five in the morning. He looked to either side of himself. Tony was on his stomach to his left and Thor was cuddled into him on his right. It was perfect, he had to admit. He stared at the ceiling for a few more minutes before waking them up.

"Wake up! I'm bored and I can't go back to sleep!"

Thor stirred sluggishly and Tony grunted awake, staring blearily. "What...?"

"Time to get up," Loki said cheerfully.

Tony growled faintly and stared with one eye as Thor sat up wobbily. "You're a troll." Loki knew enough internet slang to merely smirk and wink.

"Trololololoki."


End file.
